I loved you with all my heart, you were my soul mate, so I thought.
I couldn’t imagine life without you but eventually it threw us apart.
We both moved on but feelings can’t be flushed.
You were the secret I held on to.
My weakness.
I remembered you often and missed you a lot but I knew we were both on the journey life meant for us to be.
You suffered difficulties and I felt bad, I prayed for your happiness and was scared that maybe my broken heart was causing you pain. I cried. I apologised to the one who created us and tried my best.
Decades past, you stayed in my heart. Then one day the truth confronted me.
I found out who you were and what you’d done.
A long time had passed and everyone makes mistakes but I realised I spent 24 years of my life loving a lie.
Suddenly I felt shattered. I was in shock.
I felt dirty because I’d loved you and I felt stupid because I believed that’s maybe if I was pretty you would have actually loved me too.
Then I used my brain and said to myself that if you couldn’t love me, that’s on you.
If you couldn’t appreciate me, that’s on you.
If you lied to me, that’s on you.
I feel silly for believing a lie, for feeling bad because I thought you were in pain.
At the end of the day, I didn’t deserve that and as upset as I may be, to be honest, that’s on you. Not me.
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