Got it Wrong.

It hit me like a storm, it pelted onto my face, so hard it hurt, so painful I closed my eyes.

It hit me like a bomb, exploded in my brain, so fast yet I wondered why it took so long.

All this time I was fixing a problem that did not exist, I was seeking a solution that was not to be found.

I was walking down a path that led to nowhere, confused, getting anxious and angry but all this time I had got it wrong.

I wondered too much about why my point was always misunderstood, why despite being an open book, I was unreadable.

I thought honesty was the best policy and felt confounded when I could not identify where I had got lost.

The problem was clear, the problem was that I was addressing people who did not want to be addressed.

The problem was that I was opening myself up to those who did not want to know.

The problem was I was allowing these people to treat me as they wished and was not understanding what the real issue was.

I was explaining myself to them, sharing my thoughts and my views over and over again to people who did not want to hear.

Caring for and loving those who did not want nor need me to do so.

The problem was so simple yet I did not see it.

I did not see it because I was not seeing from their point of view, I was seeing from mine!

I did not see it because I did not want to.

It started to make perfect sense, why my comments were always irrelevant, why my jokes were seen as rude, why I was criticised for trying too hard, why I was talking and not being heard.

Why I was not spoken to unless I initiated it, why there was no fun unless I worked for and earned it. Such a simple thing, it was because I was forcing myself on people who did not ask for it!

Just because I chose them does not mean they chose me. Just because I liked them, did not mean they had to like me! They painted me as per their views and decided on what my character would be.

I did the same, but my outlook was different, yet I foolishly blamed them for what I could not see.

It hit me like a bomb, exploded in my brain, so fast yet I wondered why it took so long.

It was not their fault, neither was it mine.

How could I be so stupid, so blind. How could I have missed all the signs.

It hit me like a storm, it pelted onto my face, so hard it hurt, so painful I closed my eyes.

When I open them, I will try again.

It was easy, the problem was me, I got it wrong.