Communication, Us and Success.

Communication is one of the hardest things for humans to get right, yet it is the backbone to all our relationships.

Inappropriate, inadequate or mis-communication can ruin any relationship, no matter how strong the bond may be.

The reason it is hard for us to get it right is because at the time of communicating we have, in our minds, our thoughts, our feelings and just us. It is rare for us to take into consideration the feelings and thoughts of the other person.

This is because the same part of the brain that is responsible for our thoughts, actions and reactions is also the part that we use to judge others. Therefore, it is only logical that positive and happy people will judge everyone else as positive and happy whilst negative and hateful people will judge others in the same way.

It will be hard for you to accept that someone does not wish you well if you wish well for others. It would also be near impossible for you to accept that someone is genuinely happy for you if you are not the kind of person that has genuine happiness for others.

Attraction will however be the exception to the rule here. If someone is attracted to a person, they accept and agree anything that person says. Bear in mind though that this holds true whilst the predator is trying to gain the approval of their target, once this is acquired, it goes back to the usual. Hence the common complaint in couples 'you have changed'.

We need to be conscious of the fact that what others are feeling and experiencing may indeed be the same as us but it may be completely different or it may even be somewhere in between.

Sometimes our ego and our ‘we are right and we have done nothing wrong’ attitude gets in the way and we let special bonds disintegrate into nothing because, truth be told, we did not want to save it. We chose to do nothing about it but then we pour the blame solely on the other party, refusing to accept that we had a part to play also.

There are various reasons for not wanting to discuss an issue, it could be we are always the ones to approach the other person and we are always explaining ourselves and there comes a time that we feel enough is enough but if that is where you are at then it is important to understand that you need to be wary of self-critical thoughts afterwards as this decision of yours will also have its consequences.

If you feel that you have a relationship that is worth saving then please make an attempt to save it. The last thing you want is the feeling of guilt 10 years later when you look back and think if only I had tried.

Please do not wait for the other person because it could be that the other person, for once, were waiting for you to make them feel as if you care. If you let your ego get in the way because you tell yourself ‘I don’t care’ well then you better actually stop caring but then you should also stop blaming people for leaving you and accept that it is your actions that play a big part as to why people give up on you.

No one should have to live with regret, it’s not a nice emotion to contend with so trying your best will always work out in your favour, in the long run.

The reason we are so complicated is because our brains are always trying to make sense of our world but then our minds do not always get it right and that is because we are incapable of thinking objectively and from various points of view. Our brains are hardwired to tell us ‘we are right’ and our brains actually create messages justifying our actions to us.

If we let our thoughts and emotions get in the way of effective communication, we may end up making things worse because it can create even more misunderstandings and then we end up thinking ‘why did I bother’ so its important to try and get it right and this article will hopefully give you food for thought and a starting point.

We can however learn how to be more effective in communicating what we feel and want to say without upsetting anyone. The key is to practice behaving and communicating in a manner that does not come across as passive aggressive as that leads to distress.

Pay attention to your body language, your posture, your facial expressions and your words. Saying thank you with a snide laugh will not come across as polite even if your words are.

Replying with sarcasm and an added laugh will also not cut it even if you are trying to be smart.

Communication is a package so think about how you need to deliver that package to enhance your relationships and by extension your happiness because you have to admit that being angry, upset or even acting indifferent and playing the victim is emotionally draining.

You have to address people with the mindset that ‘I am okay, you are okay, I am not wrong but you are not wrong either’.

When we hear that someone is being critical of what we’ve said or done, we feel blamed, rejected and unwanted. What we should do is listen to the criticism and take it in a positive spirit and use it to help ourselves make positive changes.

Nothing bad can ever come from trying and practising any of this, that’s one thing that is for sure.

If someone is bothering you, please remember that it is best to discuss it with them as the power to resolve an issue lies with them and no one else. Talking about people behind their back will not help for various reasons.

1. There is a chance they will find out and that will make things worse. Could be they overhear or the person you are confiding in is very good at playing games but is actually playing for both sides without you realising.

2. The person you are talking to realises that this is their time to move in on your weak point so they agree with you in regards to anything you are saying just for the sake of it.

Remember humans seek approval so pretending to agree with a person is one way to do that and is why people do it.

3. A third party will add fuel to fire because they are not in the know how of the full story so they end up giving you bad advice and you end up taking it.

You may be able to identify many past or even current situations to what is being said here and if you can, that is great because it means you have already taken that important and priceless step to stand back and consider a situation for another person's point of view.

Whilst communication is imperative, it is pointless unless you are open minded enough to comprehend. consider and accept.