I’ve spent so much time blaming myself for feelings I can’t control. I’ve spent so much time trying to figure out what is happening in my head and why the fuck I would let myself get into such a situation in the first place. Guilt and fear, by now you may have realised that my opinion is that these two emotions are not good for a person. Not when we allow them to overpower us anyway.
Whilst I say I wasted time, I’m glad I did because I’ve concluded that to actually accept myself for being the way I am and to openly admit my thoughts and feelings to a third person (myself being 1, my brain 2 and my best friend 3) I actually helped myself.
There isn’t anything wrong with what I feel. Wrong would be the actions I take that are derived from those feelings so rather than put the pressure on myself to watch my every word or move, I let myself give in. I think it’s healthier for me rather than suppressing who I am and then live with anger that will come from doing that.
I’m polyamorous. I’m sapiosexual. I don’t seek protection nor appreciation. I seek knowledge and intelligence. Monogamy is not the way our species began and I’m not condoning cheating, please don’t twist my words but what I’m saying is that for me, I always said I don’t believe in love but actually I don’t think it’s that. I think that I just was never able to restrict my thoughts and my feelings to one person.
No one is perfect but some people just master their imperfections so how can you not fall in love with that!
The reason I can be brazen enough to share this is because I know that too many people are too afraid to admit to themselves that actually it’s ok to be attracted and to love more than one person.
We can’t stop our thoughts or desires, we can suppress them but is that really what we want to do? Why can’t we embrace them, accept them and just day dream about them in a healthy manner?
Some people who are in relationships have these exact feelings and they feel so guilty that they feel like they need to make themselves more committed to their partners’. They decide to get married, to have kids to move to a mountain yet it doesn’t help. Is taking a decision for the wrong reasons better than not taking a decision for the right reasons?
Trust me, yes trust the person who you don’t know and who chats shit sometimes.
Your feelings do not mean you are defective, they mean you are human!
I’m in love, I used to say for fucks sake, why did I let this happen. I told myself that I fell in love with the wrong person at the wrong time. Now that shit does hurt so I changed my point of view. Now I believe that I fell in love with the right person at the right time.
Now don’t get me wrong, to me love does mean respect so if I love a person, I won’t act in a way that disrespects or emotionally hurts them. So I do keep my thoughts, opinions and feelings to myself, except when I’m writing to the public 🙄 but what I ultimately mean is that I wouldn’t want anyone to get hurt because of me so if I did think there was a risk of that happening, I’d bow out. Now thankfully I’m not considered good looking or attractive so as humans are drawn to those things, the risk of me causing pain to someone else is minimal so in every situation, there’s a positive 😉
Stay real boys and girls ✌🏼
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