As a human I like to think that I stand up for what I believe to be right, which is why most of the time I stand alone.
This has nothing to do with being a feminist. My opinions and thoughts do not fluctuate in line with how close a subject is to home but rather how close it is with fairness and common sense.
Relationships; these are one of the hardest things to get right. One of the main reasons for this is that we judge, treat and act with others from our point of view and rarely from their point of view.
Now, as I have mentioned before, in another post, us humans are not that smart in correctly interpretating human behaviour and as we prefer to guess rather than ask and we choose to decide what someone is thinking and going through and opt to discuss this and draw our conclusions with everyone else in the world except the person it actually concerns, we end up getting it very wrong sometimes.
It does not help that people, most of the time, say one thing and mean something else, so this situation gets even more complicated! Bless humans! Am I the only one who sometimes wonders if we would co-exist better if we were hard of hearing and visually impaired? Sorry if that seems to be harsh but anyway let’s get back on track.
Someone asked me the question ‘why should women be slaves to their husbands?’ and the answer I suppose to that for me is simply, well they should not.
Some men do have the expectation that women are mere home keepers and the role of a woman is to reproduce, cook, clean and serve.
A man who has a wife and children will go to work, regardless of how stressful their jobs may be but once they are done for the day, the poor exhausted men go home, put their feet up and wait happily for the perfect hot meal that their wives will have prepared for them, served in a tidy and clean home. Men forget that the woman was also ‘working’ at home the whole day.
Most women I know who have children work full time jobs and these are full time professional jobs, so yes, they are high profile and highly stressful also. In addition to this, they look after their children and their homes.
When do these women have a day off, when do they get to put their feet up and relax?
Oh yes, I think that is what mothers’ day is for right? I mean one day a year, kids make breakfast for their mothers and then there’s the amazing Valentines day, so another day a year when the man takes his wife for dinner so well, neither of them have to cook. Then there are birthdays also, so my bad sorry, these lucky women get 3 days off a year, so what are they complaining about, the ungrateful things!
Women are dealing all day with emotionally challenging situations whilst maintaining a professional decorum, they then go home and try to educate and bring up their children whilst maintaining the exemplary patience that most of the time, only a mother can, so forgive me but when do these women have a day off?
Then there’s a different situation and we’ll quickly glance at the culture of arranged marriages, the brides’ family will ask some of the following questions to the prospective son in law:
1. Do you have a job?
2. How much do you earn?
3. Do you have a house?
4. Do you own a car?
Now there are a few things here, independence is not as and when it is convenient which is what most people take it to be.
The bride to be wants all and sundry to be provided to her by her husband but then what does she bring to the mix? Ironically. it is socially unacceptable to ask the prospective bride such questions.
If she claims that she’s an individual with rights and preferences and needs her independence then why does she expect someone else to work and provide her with the luxuries that she demands, surely she should be able to provide these for herself. That to me is an independent woman. No?
The same then goes for the man. If he is strong and independent then why can’t he get his own food and drink and why does he expect to be literally handed all these things.
Helping each other in household chores, sharing the responsibilities of the home and children is what makes a family, it is what makes a home. Otherwise you will end up with a couple of people who resent each other’s existence co existing as roommates in a house.
It is important to give each other space, to understand what the other person needs from their point of view and to compromise. Yes, all relationships thrive on compromise. You have to otherwise your relationship will not last.
Compromise however has to come from both parties. You can only give so much, a person cannot cross the path alone, both have to make the effort. If the effort is one sided then that is not a real relationship and to be honest, it’s not worth the effort because that kind of relationship later turns toxic and that is not good for anyone.
You could apply this concept to any relationship, be it parent-child, siblings, relatives, friends, the crux of the matter remains the same.
It takes two to tango, it takes two hands to clap and make a sound.
There have been many instances where time and time again I myself have expressed my feelings in no uncertain terms and said what was going through my mind, I did this because I thought it’s the easiest and fairest way but even that for me has limits. I can explain myself a few times but if the person still does not understand, or nothing changes from their actions then I am really sorry but the only reason that is so, is because they do not want to and if they do not want to it is because you are not as important to them as they are to you.
That’s when you have to make the hardest decision of your life, do you stay or do you go…
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